how much

The monitor was the only light on in the house as she went into the back bedroom. Amy sat at the computer and pulled up MacWrite, a program she hadn't used in years. The words would never come to her if she used a ball point pen on paper right now, let alone be called forth from a quill pen or Ichiro's old temple calligraphy brush. So this old program was the best she could do. She even left the font in Courier:

Most honored grandmother.

No. She erased the screen and started again.

Dear Sophie,

I am writing this even though you will never understand it. You want me to keep the traditions, to keep the souls of our family alive. Yet I don't see the place for them in this society. They can't exist in the noise of the trucks, in the violence in the schools, in the roar of the superjets. They need peace, quiet. Green spaces filled with life. And those are vanishing as rapidly as your precious spirits.

I can't do that. I can't keep your traditions. And I know you will never see how clearly I understand this. How much I know that irresponsibility is the only possible way to go.

Look. I am begging you. I need to beg you. Just go on with your life. Enjoy what's left of it. Don't worry so much about the future--or the past. Yuki and the others can take care of themselves. So can Anna and I.

Love. Honestly, I do love you. You will just never know how much.


a river's secrets / depend on / how much / we need to / configure / its destinations / with our realities

if there are / other waters / we can not / know them / all we see / in rivers / is their presence

Follow us all: Amy/Anna, Sophie/Yuki, Kit/Richard, minor characters or sift through water leavings and river journeys.